GHOSTBUSTERS: ANSWER THE CALL

Point of order before I get into this review, I would be not be doing this review justice without briefly giving you a rundown of my status as a Ghostbusters super fan. I had the first movie memorized completely at the age of 5, I've seen every episode of both Ghostbusters tv shows at least twice and I built a 98% screen accurate proton pack prop complete with both lights and sound. So yes, I'm a super fan and yes, I've been one of those internet guys who have not been a fan of the production and promotion leading up to the release of this film. That's also why I have waited so long to see the movie, and even longer to write the review. I didn't want my displeasure with the production to unfairly color my view. Now that I feel I am fully composed, this is my review for Ghostbusters 2016.

This new version of everyone's favorite paranormal eliminators is actually a remake that takes place in a universe where nobody knows who to call when there's something strange in the neighborhood. The movie has Bridesmaids stars Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig reuniting along with other SNL alumni in Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones as four ladies who have taken up the mantle as the chief specter inspectors in the city of New York as they investigate a growing number of unusually high powered spooks running amok in the big apple.

Sigh...I could have written and cast a better film with the 4 hours and 57 minutes I have left in this day that would be better than the HORSECRAP I saw on the screen this afternoon. Part of what made the original Ghostbusters great was that it was a comedy but it looked like a serious drama or supernatural thriller. Its shot with wide angle lenses, it had a meticulously written script by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis, two of the best writers for SNL and SCTV at the time and it always knew just how far to go with it's improv.

The problem with this version of Ghostbusters is that nobody wrote it. What I mean by that is that nobody WRITES comedies in general anymore. It's very clear that they just had a general rough draft grade idea of what they wanted to do with this movie and then they just get a bunch of improv actors together to shoot ten versions of one scene and pick the best one. Director Paul Feig has made a career out of doing just this. That style of making everything up as you go along is ok for something like The Heat or Bridesmaids, something that nobody has any expectations for. If Feig had decided to make another of his original comedies, I wouldn't have had a problem with him saddling up Melissa McCarthy and riding her to the finish line, but for the love of Pete Venkman, you CANNOT DO THAT with a movie like Ghostbusters. You can't fuel the remake of the number one movie of 1984, the number one year of movies ever, on pure "yes, and..." power. There were scenes that went nowhere, there was no cohesive theme, the editing was shoddy, the characters lacked any kind of depth or arch, and it was shot like an ABC family/Scooby-Doo film. I've seen Ghostbusters fan films that were more inspired than this movie and I can say that without any reservation. Don't even get me started on the Dumb and Dumber To grade disaster that Chris Hemsworth's character was. In short, nobody could be that stupid and function even in suspended reality. It's not all bad though, Kate McKinnon's character was very quirky and charming and there were some pretty good cameos and Easter eggs here but even they ended up leaving a sour taste in my mouth. It's kinda like dropping pieces of candy into a bowl of vomit, the more you see it, the more you are just disappointed that all the good stuff is getting ruined by everything around it. This is completely unacceptable for a 140 million dollar Sony movie.

Before I close, I have to address one more thing that really chaps my back and thighs which is the fact that the people responsible for making this movie accused misogynists and internet trolls of being against this movie because it starred four women. They did this while at the same time, they knew for a fact that they started their movie with crude toilet humor and ended it with a massive testicle punch joke. HOW DARE YOU! HOW! DARE! YOU!!!! Ghostbusters gets a 1... out of 5