50 Classic Horror Films You SHOULDN'T Watch: DON'T WATCH Pet Sematary / Re-Animator

You know, not all zombie movies are about dumb, lumbering, blood-thirsty, ex-human monsters. Sometimes the dead come back to life with more than a shuffling gait and a lust for human flesh. Sometimes they come back with most of their physical and mental faculties... plus or minus a dark twisted agenda that leaves their re-animators, whether they be mourning loved ones or curious scientists, to realize that to sometimes...dead is better. Believe it or not, this is actually a genre bigger than you'd think. In fact, up until the late1960s most of what we'd call zombies movies had more to do with mind control than they did resurrected, homicidal, brain-dead creatures. Any number of things could trip this occurrence though it usually had something to do with ancient spells of some sort but these days, the miracle of modern science has been responsible for most of these abominations to the natural world.

Chief among these movies are the films Pet Sematary and Re-Animator. Pet Sematary was made in 1989 as an adaptation of a popular Stephen King movie that starred Denise "Tasha Yar" Crosby and Fred "Herman Munster" Gwynne and it centered around a family who bring their dead son back to life by way of burying him in a pet cemetery that was built on cursed Native American land. It was a truly disturbing movie and probably within the top 3 creepy kid movies of all time. Aside from keeping me up at night for the better part of a month and inspiring The Ramones to make a kick-ass punk rock track, it's a favorite film among horror fans. Re-Animator though being in the same vein of Pet Sematary, is in a league of it's own. The film's story was inspired by the writings of the legendary H.P. Lovecraft and stars Jeffrey Combs, one of the most recognizably odd figures in Horror history, as an twisted doctor hell bent on figuring out a way to revive dead human tissue. It's got some of the most insane concepts and ridiculously disturbing special effects ever. Even though those movies are epically frightening, stomach churningly creepy and in some cases comedically gross and intense, I don't want to be married to Pet Sematary and you shouldn't be either. You don't have to watch that film againnnnn. So here are my picks for the new heavies of re-animated horror.

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS. This farcical flick is exactly what you'd think it would be based on the title and more. Just to give you an idea it stars Jenna Jameson as a super star stripper who gets bitten by a zombie and by surprise, it turns her into a better stripper much to the enjoyment of both the crowd and her boss played by Robert "Freddy Kruger" Englund and much to the chagrin of the other strippers who begin to consider the prospect of getting zombified to make better tips. It's got all kinds of insane stuff in it. There's a lot of gratuitous nudity, crude jokes, and X rated gore. Put the children and old folks to bed for this one but definitely take a peep if you're a fan of extreme horror comedies like Dead Alive or Evil Dead II or Troma Film.


DEAD HEAT. Ooooh! is this movie a product of it's time! Honestly, there's a window of maybe 18 months where this movie could have come out and done well and beyond that, it is so over but, that's what makes it so fun to watch. The movie is centered around a pair off 1980's style buddy cops played by Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo trying to solve the mystery behind a string of robberies done by zombified crooks. Things are really tropish until one of the cops gets turned into a zombie himself and dedicates his last non-decomposed moments to dispatch the party responsible for it all. It's equal parts Re-Animator and Tango and Cash with extra one-liners sprinkled on top for more cheese flavor. Also keep your eyes open for horror icon Vincent Price who has a fun cameo here.


MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK. It may take you a while to find this one but if you want to see light hearted silly horror, my absolute favorite type of horror, you may very well enjoy this. My Boyfriend's Back starts off as one of those 80s/90s high school "I want her to notice me" films but the lead character Johnny dies like 30 minutes in. It's a strange turn for sure but it doesn't end there, it actually gets better! You see Johnny wants the girl of his dream so badly that he actually comes back from the dead. Not sure of what this really means, he just continues to go on to school as if nothing has happened and the adults around him, not sure of what this means either, just let him do it. Now he must fight not only the high school horror of Philip Seymour Hoffman as a redneck bully, but his own decomposition as well! Watch out for both Matthew McConaughey and Matthew Fox in this too. It's literally McConaughey's first role!